BENEATH THE SURFACE OF MY SKIN LIE YEARS & YEARS OF HISTORY; THIS ENERGY OF MY ANCESTORS & THEIR SURROUNDINGS IS WHAT I CARRY WITH ME INTO THE PRESENT & FUTURE…EACH CELL WITHIN ME HAS HISTORY THAT DATES FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME & AS THE SAND SLOWLY FALLS IN THE HOUR GLASS I HAVE COME TO FIND THAT I LIVE IN A NO MAN’S LAND. From an early age I made a choice to either make something of myself OR face the brutal agony of the legacy that is my family. I LOVE MY FAMILY WITH ALL OF WHO I AM; I JUST FIND IT HARD THAT THEY CANNOT DO IT FOR THEMSELVES! I find that the way they think AND go about life is so STRANGE and CONFUSING. Why do they make things so HARD for themselves? Why be like everyone else on this planet? Why live as if there is NO life @ all? When I hold up this mirror of TRUTH I see myself CLEARLY. I can see how I would endeavor to be DIFFERENT~BETTER, I can see why I am who I am, I can feel what it is like to truly be a HU~MAN…Though my childhood was not a bad one, I cannot say that it was good either. My family did all they knew how; yet I often wonder why it seemed as if I was the smart one? WHY DO I USE LOGIC & REASON? WHY DO I WEIGH THE PROS & CONS? WHY DON’T I LACK THE BRAINPOWER TO RISE ABOVE MY ADVERSITIES. My family like so many seems to LACK the self awareness that is needed to survive in this world. They like so many other persons in society harbor a falsified view of themselves that prevents them from their TRUE human origin. If only they viewed the world from a reality point of view in order to gain a better understanding of humanity. I know that this is difficult AND reality requires total understanding on the objective level as well as on the subjective level of existence. But they do not have any REAL excuse; DO THEY? AS I SIT AND WRITE THIS I ASK MY SELF IF I AM TOO HARSH & NEGATIVE? I GUESS FROM THE TONE OF THIS ENTRY ONE WOULD KNOW WHAT ANSWER I CAME UP WITH. I FEEL THAT IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS THAT AS A FAMILY WE SHOULD TREAT EACH OTHER WITH LOVE N’ RESPECT! HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME LOVE YOU WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE ME NOT BE GAY? HOW CAN WE AS A FAMILY GROW WHEN WE CANNOT TALK TO EACH OTHER? WHAT WILL THE FUTURE BE SINCE THE PRESENT IS ALL F&CKED UP? I WISH THEY WOULD STOP THIS SELF-REJECTION THAT INVARIABLY BRINGS PAIN & CONFUSION. WE ARE LIVING IN AN AGE OF HEIGHTENED INSECURITIES & IT SHOWS. THE SAD THING FOR ME IS THAT FEW PEOPLE OVERCOME THIS ON THEIR OWN; I AM GLAD THAT I GET TO BE ONE THAT DOES. WHEN I GET TO THINK ABOUT THE WORLD & THE WAY IT IS; I FEEL SAD BECAUSE SO MANY OF US ARE LIVING IN A NO MAN’S LAND…THIS inevitably CAUSES MORE chaos THAT GOES AGAINST HUMANITY. THE DOWN FALL OF THE HUMAN RACE IS SAD & EVERY ONE WHO IS NOT WORKING TO RESTORE SOME SENSE OF BALANCE CONTRIBUTES TO THE INJUSTICES THAT IS CREATED. SO TO MY FAMILY I ASK, WHAT IS THE COMMITMENT THAT YOU MADE TO MY FUTURE? WERE YOU THE BEST THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN? IF SO THEN WHY ARE YOU AFRAID? AFRAID TO SPEAK UP. AFRAID OF PEOPLE. AFRAID TO GET INFROMED. AFRAID OF YOURSELVES. AFRAID, AFRAID, AFRAID. HOW ABOUT YOU STOP GIVING YOUR LIFE TO CHURCH ORGANIZATIONS, ALL OF WHICH ARE MORE CONFUSED THAT YOU ARE ALREADY. HOW ABOUT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF INSTEAD? IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE & WHERE YOU CAME FROM, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO UNLOCK YOUR HIDDEN POTENTIAL….UNTIL THEN I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN NO MAN’S LAND.