As humans, we all have anger, sometimes more than others; and NOTHING angers humans like the thought of homosexuality. There is such an irrational HATRED for us that I sometimes wonder who the REAL humans are. Be it in the churches, the grocery stores or the work place, there is ALWAYS a discussion going on about us. On my present job there isn’t a day that goes by that we are NOT the subject of discussion. I just sit back N’ watch them swim in their ignorance and smile. I keep my distance because I don’t need their hate to find its way into my space. Now there is this one guy that I work with, he is like me in every way except he is straight. And though the subject of my sexuality never came up, I am sure that it must have crossed his mind. We talk about his life and the things he deal with in his relationship and I offer my opinion. I know about him, but he doesn’t know about me (@ least I haven’t told him) and I often wonder if he finds out, would he feel that I betrayed him?
I can say that he took the time to connect with me because he comes looking for me, he calls me just to see what is going on with me…we even do the fist bump and hetero handshakes that they do. I find the dynamics of this relationship interesting because I make a point NOT to establish a ‘bromance’ with hetero guys because they can’t handle my sexuality. But this guy is a tad bit different, a female co-worker of mine calls me cupcake and I do the same to her…he heard it one day and now he calls me CUPCAKE! No matter who is around, without fail he greets me with the fist bump/hetero handshake and calls me cupcake with a smile.
There are times he jokes around @ work doing feminine stuff like walking with a limp wrist and pretend like he is on a catwalk to give the ladies in the office a laugh…but of course makes sure they know this is all in fun and they shouldn’t get any ideas about his sexuality. I don’t think that he is gay @ all but I often think that anyone that can open themselves up to such a thing could be open-minded… Bonding with other men is one of the distinctive pleasures of being a guy; and a friendship with a straight guy does have some social benefits of maleness that homosexual men often miss out on.
I don’t have any plans on telling him about my sexuality because that brings up a whole new set of questions. I don’t have time to reassure him that I am NOT trying to have sex with him or if we really do have anything in common. I won’t ever live my life tip-toeing around someone that is hyper-sensitive about his and my sexuality, nor would I put it in his face…I just find it interesting that he could/would see my non-disclosure as a betrayal when I’ve NEVER been asked or mis-represent myself to him…So do you think I am betraying the relationship I have with my male co-worker OR am I merely keeping him away from something he may not be able to handle?