To us gay men being called ‘a big ole bottom’ is usually a put-down in the form of joke. Imagine being @ a club and resident drag queen working the crowd picks out an audience member and asks, ‘are you a top or a bottom?” And before her target has gotten two words out, she howls, “Bottom!” The essence of the joke is: Don’t kid yourself, honey. Nobody thinks you’re a man; you’re just a big girl. Now imagine that very same man approaching you with a come on like, ‘what time is it?’ So you look @ your wrist but you can tell for some reason or another that he's not interested in the time, he wants to F&CK! You're not TOO keen on getting with him because he was in the spotlight and you’d consider fooling around with him if it wasn’t SO obvious what role he would play sexually but...Isn’t it something how most guys that take on the role as a bottom would say that it is one of THE PRIME JOYS OF A GAY MAN’S SEX LIFE? They make it the center of their erotic universe no matter how you want it serve. However, if one were to do a survey on how gay men feel about taking a dick, most would make you feel as if you asked them if they have HIV or something because in the gay community taking a dick is the last thing most gay men want to admit they do.
But why is that? Why is there shame attached to bottoming? I know that there are MANY myths and fears about anal sex, and it’s normal to feel them, but…Humans are the only animal that can face each other in sex. I think we have this ability so we can create a potential bond. Do you think we as gay men could ever have sex with each other without the psychological pleasure n’ pain attached? To see another gay man as less than because you ‘top’ him sexually means we are making something that is natural, feel unnatural. If we continue to believe that the only REAL man is the one who gets hard and does the work, then that keeps the fear I’m not a man ALIVE! Condemning a gay man for ‘bottoming’ causes repression that will seep out into the community in less than desirable ways that only agitate our psyche; and I find it SO stupid to bask in pleasure of ‘topping’ a ‘bottom’ only to hand out shame as soon as you ejaculate.
Freedom will continue to elude us as long as we REFUSE to accept that man is man! We are not meant to come to earth to foolishly chasing ‘wants and sexual desires’ without accepting that how we do what we do has a priority that should not be treated as something shameful. We need to be ETERNALLY grateful for having the opportunities to experience each other the way(s) we do. YOU ARE NOT A MAN BECAUSE YOU DON’T TAKE IT UP THE ASS! This homophobia many have towards the gay men they ‘top’ just translates to our inability to really love a man beyond lustful needs. I know that gay porn makes it look like all gay guys are experts @ receiving, but that is fantasy and they are paid to sell that to us!
I often think about my ex and how he would swear that he was NEVER topped by me and he LOVED dick more than I did! People knowing that he ‘bottomed’ in our relationship shows the unexamined attitudes about gender roles, power and desire we gay men don’t deal with. I read somewhere that, ‘what stops men from embracing the pleasure of bottoming almost always have to do with the personal meaning one attaches to the experience.’ So where do those meanings come from? And is it possible to shift them? I SAY YES! But we have to first redefine what it means to ‘get fucked in the ass.’ We need to remove the humiliation AND stigma attached to being a bottom. This way of thinking stems from the clichéd hetero-male’s revulsion (desire in my mind) of being penetrated, which gets associated exclusively with being a pussy or soft.
I get that we all learn negative attitudes toward homosexuality early in life; and it is hard to not to internalize these antigay messages, but if you THE ‘top’ that penetrates THE ‘bottom’ what does that really make you? I SAY IT MAKES YOU MAN THAT STUPID FOR FEELING THAT A MAN THAT SUBMITS HIMSELF FOR YOUR PLEASURE IS BENEATH YOU & HE LITERALLY IS, BUT EVERYTIME YOU STICK YOUR D!CK IN ANOTHER MAN’S ASS, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT @ THE CORE OF SHAME, HE IS OTHER SIDE OF YOUR COIN THAT IS STRUGGLING TO GET YOUR HUMAN ACCEPTANCE. There’s wisdom in finding a balance to what we do sexually…balance shows us that we harness our natural male power through our asshole, and NOT our dicks!