Frustrated heterosexual males: are you tired of being alone? Sick of hearing "there are plenty of
fish in the sea"? Well, up to now, you’ve only ever considered half
the fish that are even out there, haven't
you? What about the other half? What
about the fish that are gay?
If there's a little gay in all of us, then here are nine good reasons
why letting that flag fly could work if your hetero single life is in the
dumps. Get ready to open your mind, among other things, to new horizons.
No Unwanted Pregnancies
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. We can have all the sex we want and
never have to worry about the dreaded unwanted child down the line. Ok,
sometimes you'll have some other serious s**t to worry about in regards to sex,
but screaming babies won't be one of 'em.
When we’re finally
ready for children, we’ll just adopt like those guys on "Modern Family."
Double Your Wardrobe
When we move in with our new lover we’ll immediately have access to a
whole new closet full of clothes (and according to Queer Eye it'll all be
trendy and fashionable).
So if you’ve been
putting off buying a new pack of underwear, just consider what kind of money
you could save by going gay and moving in with a dude you share more than just
a bathroom with.
Even Playing Field
When you're gay, your partner will never, ever withhold sex as a
punishment or use sex as a weapon.
There is no sex as
a bargaining ploy to get something else. And oral sex is also never an issue.
It's not for "special occasions" It is just a given.
You won't need to
take them on a bunch of expensive dates to get some action. For gay guys, sex
is like a handshake, and the "getting to know you" part comes
afterwards. As it should be...
Get in Better Shape
Let’s face it, gay dudes are in much better shape than we are. I don’t
know what it is exactly, but I had a friend who came out and had rock hard abs
only six weeks later. Dudes just have really high standards and it's really
hard to please us. Just ask any girl that reads Cosmo.
The pressure of
having to please dudes is WAY better than any workout system you'll find on TV.
Make New Friends
Being gay is going to throw us into a whole new social network. The
great thing about being gay right now is that the LGBT community is being
persecuted by right-wingers over the marriage and military issues.
not great at all!" - You, just now.
against persecution has always formed the strongest bonds between people.
Becoming gay will provide us with friendships that just might be the strongest
we’ll ever know.
Have More Fun at Concerts
There’s something about being a proud gay man that strips down social
barriers far more than being a repressed straight man does.
Being gay will mean
we can get way more excited when our favorite band takes the stage, so much
that we can belt out that scream we want to yell instead of just cheering,
clapping over our heads and looking around for the nearest girl to
This will allow us
to just tune out the world, DANCE (for a change) and have way more fun than we
have ever had before at our favorite concerts.
Gay guys are naturally funnier. What might get YOU slapped will just
make everyone think a gay guy's ""sassy"".
If we become gay,
then we can be guaranteed an increase of at least two humor points (which would
help this particular column) as well as a FIFTY percent increase in invites to
cocktail parties. That’s just simple math, folks.
Attract More Women
This may seem counter intuitive given that we’ll now be having sex with
men, but hear me out: it’s a scientific fact that women like gay guys.
Women love that
whole "hard to get" attitude and what’s harder to get than a gay guy?
Oh, and there’s the
whole "since we're gay, we'll understand women". Not because we’ll be
more like women but because we’ll actually be listening to them rather than
trying to figure out how to get in their pants.
So "hard to
get" plus being more understanding will equal more women if we decide to
swing back. Back-up plans, my friend, is the name of this game.
We all know it's hard to make it down in Hollywood because it’s
difficult to find an "in".
Well, according to
this old guy I met while in the swamps of Georgia "Jews and gays run
Well we might not
be Jewish, but we could possibly be gay if we tried it and liked it - and that
transition takes a LOT less reading. Plus, those of us who are Jewish will
suddenly have TWO avenues to pursue in our pop culture domination. Think about